Ideals and Democracy and the Role of the Citizens.

Within all this fiasco of whether Anna Hazare's arrest was correct or not, I came across an online debate (user comments) on the issue.
89% thought that Anna's arrest was not correct while a measly 11% voted that Anna's arrest was correct.
Now point to note is the number of comments which should have constituted the reasons as to why the 89% ppl think Ann should not have been arrested are less than 11 and they range from comments like "Anna i'm with you" to "Congress is being Dictatorial" to "Anna should probably start a terrorist organization to remove corruption".
On the other hand, those who think Anna's arrest was the right move gave good solid logical reasons as to why the think that. There were a lot more comments and nearly all of them were somewhat logically sound.

So what does this show.?
Most of the people are not even interested to think deeply as to why Anna is fighting or what is correct etc. They see someone standing against the Government and they start blindly following him/her.

I'm not saying Anna's aim is wrong or I'm not even commenting on whether his methods were right or wrong. But what I'm saying is unless people actually start "THINKING" with their own brains and come up with their own answers, it doesn't matter how many Anna Hazare's come up. India will remain the same. The very ppl who blindly follow bright ideals shining far away, will probably never notice that they themselves are the ones who are standing obdurately in its path.

Notice the ideal. Think on it. See what it means for you. Create your own ideal close to your heart conforming to the bigger ideal. Create an ideal which you can follow. And slowly we can see the greater ideal bear fruits.

Think what Anti-Corruption means to you. And try to do what you can to minimize corruption starting from you and around you. The nation is made up of all the worlds of the citizens combined together. First remove corruption from "YOUR WORLD". The nation will follow on its own.

P.S. This started out as a small status post on Facebook and ended up this long. People love drama. And thats what is happening throughout the nation with questions popping up if we really are independent and democratic. Look around you. If you really think you are not independent try to take steps so that "You" are independent. Don't start giving big comments on how you think the nation is corrupt or the politicians are dictators if comments are all you can do. If you talk about your "RIGHTS" do not forget that when you were taught about them, you were also taught about "DUTIES". Follow both properly. Thats all you have to do to find out if you are independent or not.

Me wants Immortality.

Recently I've been thinking... I want IMMORTALITY.

Then the question is: How.?
A very big question. And as i do watch lot of movies, anime, read lots of books, manga, etc etc, a lot of answers pop up simultaneously. Really lot.

The current problem with the idea of immortality itself is most of those ideas were already pursued by the respective villains and super-villains. Always with same or similar ending. "There is no immortality". And in the few cases where a positive character (not necessarily the protagonist but someone not a villain) it always focuses on the bad points of immortality.. How they are sooo alone.. how they do not want to be immortal anymore.. blah blah blah... Well not that i still get any proper answer for the how. The point is where are the cases where people are shown to be truly immortal.. Most such cases are either to become a vampire or become a spirit.
I don't know if at all vampires and spirits exist. And if they do, are they truly immortal.??

Aah well Hanuman-ji from Hindu mythology is considered immortal (being part-god and all) but the same stories also show the true complete incarnations of Gods to be mortal (Well it must all be part of the god's plan). But that still needs you to be a part of God. I don't know if I am.
Am I..??
God..??
Am I really..??
(And not that answer "God is in everyone". I know that answer. And you know what i'm asking.)
hmm.
Either God is very busy... or he considers my question to be too stupid (which i agree it is.)
Or may be God is answering but i'm unable to hear it yet.
Either case i don't know if i can be (or already am) immortal in the Divine way.
And I dare not test it until I am able to hear what God says.
And doing Tapasya for many years in himalayas often lead to giving wishes with loopholes.
And anyways its Brahmma-ji's favourite first lines.
Brahmma-ji -Thathastu. Maango vatsa. Kya vardaan Chahiye.
Tapasvi - Main amar hona chahta hoon.
Brahmma-ji - Bas woh ek vardaan nahin de sakta.

And amrit is also over from what the stories say. I mean in my opinion that was completely unfair of gods anyway, to cheat the asurs and drink it themselves. (This debate should go on a separate post). They should have shared and kept some for the future. So that if they deem someone worthy of it, he/she should be granted the "amrit". Anyway, Rahu and Ketu had the last drops and Raavan swallowed the Kalash (which was later broken by Raam ji.)
So. No Amrit.

So back to square 1...?
Well how many squares were we able to reach again..
ahh never mind.
So divinity - (x) (Ok lets keep A "?" as it can still change.)

Next - Mythical creatures(use one or become one):
- Pheonix - immortal itself. No use to us. Probably.
- Well there are some stories which say that eating mermaids leads to immortality (urgghh).
Ya right.. as if i'd believe that. (And for those of you who are skeptic, do watch the great TV channels like Aaj Tak and NDTV. I think one of them recently showed something and proved that mermaids exist.)
- Vampires -> Too many weaknesses and problems.
AND i don't think there will be any Pure Blood vampires left. With the rate of increasing population and people occupying all kinds of lands to live, those vampires may have long ago interbred with humans (tch tch..)
- Werewolves - hmm i don't think its mentioned as truly immortal anywhere. Just lives really long.
Zombie - Out of question. Absolutely. (Just watched an anime related to zombies. So. No.)
And anyway what kind of immortal would i be if i can't even mix in the society and walk the roads in the day light.

Creatures - (x).

What else.
Ohh before i forget. Sci fi Option of living as Data in cyber world (X)(BIG CROSS). Completely defeats the purpose. I truly don't understand those villains wanting to do that.
This raised a point --- PURPOSE.
later later. We're still at how.
Anyway the above options covered 50%.

Fountain of life - This one would have dried a long time back due to global warming.

Alchemy - Philosopher's Stone -> Elixir of life. (No comments or reviews yet. If anyone has any idea please do comment)


Scientific Options

- Mind Uploading. Make clones and transfer your consciousness. - Great Idea. Truly possible. As in realistically speaking its a possible futuristic option (too many "-istics"). Ohh but no transferring mind to a robot or become a complete cyborg. Its OK till clones.
Ohh and another.
- Reversing Aging cells. Possible. Research Ongoing. It will still not stop death from being shot, knifed, jump from building, decapitated, hanged, etc etc. It won't make anyone heal like wolverine or the Cheerleader (and if you do not know who the Cheerleader is.. don't ask. Watch Heroes.)
Simple evolution or natural genetic mutation will do. But for that whatever should happen should have happened. And i know that I do not heal. Or is some catalyst needed to trigger my Hidden powers.. ;)
And i think i have proper documents showing the proof that I'm not from Krypton.

So in the end, the only options remaining are hoping to find out that I am already immortal (through divine means) or Science (Do it yourself) or create a genetic/radioactive accident and become like Mr. Manhattan (hope I do not become Hulk instead).

Joining hands with someone from the demon world/spirit world might also work. Angels would probably be too stingy and even if they let me be an angel it would be too much a bother (hope this does not reduce my chances of the divine wishes).

I've already written so much. And then i thought lets open a new Tab, open google, type "Immortality" and press Search. Top result was

►Immortality - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Immortality (or eternal life) is the concept of living in a physical or spiritual form for an infinite length of time. As immortality is the negation of ...

Definitions - Physical immortality - Religious traditions - Ethics of immortality

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Immortality - Cached - Similar

After opening this in a Tab, I lost all enthusiasm to write anymore. I was thinking of writing other things and anyway I've written so much already, i don't care anymore. (About this blog i mean. Not eternal life. I still care about that.)

The above blog contains my interpretation and what i would like. It may look utterly nonsensical if you read either before or after clicking the Wikipedia link. Some day, if I feel like making a fool out of myself typing this much when another wiki article was compiled neatly, then I would write about the WHY.

Well. So long.
To Eternal Life.

P.S. My regular column. Though I do not have anything to write here. I mean who the heck compiles all this data into wiki articles. Not that I am seriously blaming them. I mean how else would we and so many others have done so many of our projects/reports. May be I should have searched at the beginning and just pasted the Link in the blog post. I seriously typed soo much.
If i get any comments that the wiki article was better, I will curse you that whenever you need some important info from Wiki, then it will not load, or you simply get disconnected, or you are specifically blocked from Wikipedia.

The Dream...or A Different Reality...

.............................................................................................................

I open my eyes and am faced with the blinding sunlight making me flinch. Slowly adjusting the bright surroundings I find myself on some kind of roof. I look around and find it somewhat familiar. "I've been here before..." I think aloud. Looking out there are other buildings around. They are the four storeyed buildings and similar to the one i'm standing on, similar to the one i used to live when i was younger as i realized...

The streets are empty and all the windows i can see from up here are shuttered. Theres absolute silence and a sense of desolation. Suddenly i am a bit scared and panic grips my heart. I search all around but find no vehicles, no vendors, no one... its as if i'm standing alone here... as if the world is standing still.

A sense of foreboding fills my heart as i find a shadow in the sky a loong distance away. It cant be a cloud... there is not a single cloud in the sky... and its soo dark and moving fast... but one thing i can be sure of, is its size... It was big...

As it came closer (still a few miles away) i can already make out that its somekind of bird, it looked like an eagle... what rubbish... an eagle can't be that big... i mean nothing can be that big... it was larger than some of the largest jets in the world and it was flying... somehow i found it a bit ridicuous... and instead of panicking i was thinking about the physics involved in its flight.

It didn't last long. As it came closer into the sub-urban region, the sea of buildings... i finally realized how impossibly humungous it looked. and it was flying soo gracefully, diving one moment and floating in the currents the next... it was captivating. And i still had no name for this creature. (I had read books and seen many movies and i can say that it did not look like a dragon). The closest i could come to a name was "eagle..???" It then let out a roar... thats the only thing one could call it. I had to clap my hands to my ears. And it dived and banked in the air... too low... every flap of its wings the tips touched some of the roofs and top floors were crumbling with the impact. and the creature never noticed.

It was now circling around here and there, letting out a roar every few minutes, crashing any buildings where its wings touched, like they were toys it doesnt notice while on its stately flight. And surprisingly, I'm just standing there too fascinated by the creature, its majestic flight, too stunned to move, by the sheer impossibility of it all... and most importantly with not a bit of fear in me.

It seemed to be avoiding the build i was standing on.. not avoiding really just that it hadnt come this way... and bit by bit it was moving further... and in my heart i was getting sadder, as if i should be there with it, that a part of me is going away with it and i would never be complete again... I wanted to call out to it, but for all practical purposes i had even forgotten speech itself. I was shouting in my heart... "Stop... Turn back... take me with you..." I dont know if it really did hear me or if i really was shouting... or if it was mere coincidence... but the creature turned its head to look directly at me... i was more excited than i ever was in my whole life... and at the same time more afraid than i ever thought fear could be...

I was filled with these conflicting emotions when the majestic creature turned around slowly, dipped lower so that its head and eyes were level with me... i did not know if it was going to crush me with the buildings or just eat me with a snap or its beak... it seemed capable of doing both... It was coming directly at me with incredible speed.. and not for one moment did the eye contact break... and then just when it was about to crash, it turned.. one of its wings actually hitting the building in the middle. The whole thing was just crumbling around me when i snapped back to reality (if any of this could be called reality) and just jumped... hoping i would land somewhere safe... i found on the base of the creature's wing and climbed on further ahead.

As if i called out, the creature looked back at me once and then just started flying up completely ignoring me, as if i was just another straw stuck in its feathers... it started getting higher and higher.. above the clouds... the sunlight was blinding me... and the only thing i could really see was a vast bright nothing and a pair of wings flapping beside me... the height had barely breathable air... and i was feeling lightheaded with all that had happened... the last thing i could really remember was the look of the creature.. which i have somehow started to think of as an eagle... as it looked back at me once more while floating from one warm air current to the next.

The scene which is etched forever into my mind... and with all the vivid details and colors... The bright blue ocean below me... An ocean with no ending... The bright red sun above me... and what i could only call as white rarefied mist or clouds floating along in the air at a height no man might have gone without the aid of machines, And the impossible creature on which i am sitting... the wings whose span i could not fathom, flapping beside me... and the majestic roar ringing in my ears.

.............................................................................................................

P.S. As i'm used to this column of my blog, i think i should mention here that even if the details i mentioned here seem a bit extrapolated... i do really still remember every small detail of what is a dream i've seen. And i just have to close my eyes to see the scene again. As you might have gathered from this blog, i really do watch very detailed dreams and most of the time i remember them very well. I have a few other to share with you, which even though seen a few years back, i can remember them even now, and probably would do so...

Until the next dream,
Take care.

The post i scrapped started with "Looking Back".. so imagine.

woah... just had a "senti" attack... i started writing and went deep into emotional turmoil and sentimental drama... and it was further depressing me.. with its ever going cycle...

so so.. as i was saying in my previous post, i moved to hyd. presently i'm soo bored that i've even logged on here for the second day. See that really says something. OK... the whatever script starts now... i'm so bored that i signed up in face book... an answered some 20-25 quizzes in 1 day... that was last week... then i chatted up with all my frnds from iit who i had lost contact with... (took 2 days.)

In between i called up many others just bcoz i was bored... (...)

And now i'm writing a blog with no actual info content. I mean bored can a person really get. And these days i'm geting some pretty dangerous ideas... As they say... "An idle mind is a devil's playground" (whoever "they" are...)

So i'm just a bit scared that i'd do something which i shdnt do just bcoz i cd do it...

Oh.. and in between all this i fell in love... (once again..!!!???) For heavens sake... i just saw her for like 15 seconds... (and to clarify to some ppl.. no she's not from my dream or some fictional character... she's real) so anyway what shd one do...

Well... not much really... so the matter is over i guess... will tell u all the next time i fall in love :P

And during all the treks across the internet i found a good site with many old classic anime songs... some of my favourites... from Fruit basket, FMP, School Rumble, Code Geass etc...They trigger all the fond moments of those animes whenever i hear them again... i'm currently listening to them.

So i guess thats it.
Cya.

P.S. i cd have written this in the body..but..... well so i meant to say that if i really do continue like this writing a blog every day.. it will be like this one.. boring and filled with "nothing".. so next time i really have something.. then i will put something... untill then tk cr.

The last 15 months.

Hi all and none...

Its been a year and 4 months... since i even logged on here. And looking back, 6 posts in 2007, 1 in 2008, I'm not really surprised (with myself that is). And I'm so bored, i was reading my own blogs for a few minutes. Well even the thought of logging in here was bcoz i was bored and exhausted many other options which i cd think of. Well there's not much u can do to enjoy while in a big corporate office with everyone around you working...

And now u ask why am i not working? Simple. I'm not assigned any work... YET.

Well a short summary.

• April 2008 - End sems of Final Year and all that goes with it.

• May 2008 - All the project thingies and completion of formalities.

• June 2008 - I recieve my offer letter (Sasken, Bangalore.) and joining date is 1st December

• July 2008 - Convocation.

• August 2008 - A trip to Hyderabad for my elder bro's marriage. (Lost my cell phone.)

• October 2008 - Recession at its peak. (I think.)
  

• November 2008 - I recieve a mail that joining is delayed till April 6th 2009.

• December 2008 - Attended another bro's marriage at Vadodara, Gujarat.

• January 2009 - Joined NIIT for some timepass classes. (not really time pass.. had to pay a lot.)

• February 2009 - Recieved another mail from Sasken :( Joining Delayed indefinitely. Further info in October 2009.

• March 2009 - Posted resumes online.

• April 2009 - Written tests and interview for IBM.

• 18th May 2009 - Joined ISL IBM Hyderabad.

So thats a small (?) summary of life since i last posted here. Well there were a large amount of small details which i havent written here and i dont really think i can considering the tme period.

So this time i will try to be a bit more regular. (I think i said this last time too...).

And ya. Bye.

P.S. There's no Post Script this time. And all my earlier posts have them :(

2008

Its been a few months since i penned down something here (typed actually. but it doesnt matter does it). Lots has been going on and i've been meaning to blog for ages evrytime filing away in that storage room in my head (which is very cluttered now and an absolute mess). So gotta write down a few things...

The last month of 2007 was one hectic day after another until the 10th of December. Well i got placed that day, at Sasken. And i went to a small trip later and all. Basically when 2008 dawned on me, i had welcomed it with a balance of less than Rs 10 in my cell and a near empty purse. Obviously i didnt get to call ppl up but had to wait to be called to wish them Happy New Year. How i hated those who just sms'ed me... And the next day i had to go to bank to pay my fees for the LAST semester at IIT. When i think about it, i never actually stood in the queue to pay my fees (having 2 uncles in the bank and all) and that day i was a bit lazy maybe to find them so i was in the line for abt 4-5 hrs (well may be i'm exaggerating a bit and it might be closer to 3 hrs).

Then registration and all... etcetera etcetera... and the next week i was reading David Eddings (Belgariad and Mellorean) instead of going to classes... I was so much lost in the books that i even forgot to be online for a few days. And that started the period of me being low key on the net (including Gtalk). For sankranti (or Pongal as u may know it) all my family was going to be gathered here (at KGP) and by all it means a LOT of ppl. And who wd have missed such a rare chance of evry1 getting together. So again priority of classes dropped down, and i was at home with absolutely no care about the classes or anything related to IIT.

When i finally got back, i realized that i had been gone for a bit too long and had to circle around a prof or two to get into the classes. It took some time (not meaning i was worried or anything) and all the while i was still offline on net, offline on DC++, stacked up on animes (what was i doing then...???). Oh nearly forgot, there was a SF (Spring fest for those who dont know) in between when i tried to catch up with all the stacked up episodes. Oh i did go to that Sukhwinder's show on star night and all but Sf wasnt that much a success this year thanks to the abundance of water evrywhere (the theme this year was related to ocean or smthing i think and it rained for 2 of the 4 days). Saw HAMLET - a spoof by EVAM and it was absolutely wonderful. and of corz Hasya Kavi Sammelan was excellent as always.

As SF ended, it KSHITIJ this weekend. 3 days are over actually. Well Kshitij is actually way cooler than SF, so now way am i comparing them. We had a guest lecture by Astrophysicist Lawrence Krauss (which i did see but in a strange manner. dont ask.) An interesting lecture by founder of Wikipedia - Jimmy donal wales. And the spectacle of this kshitij (till now) Pyromania (brought from Israel). Today was demonstration of some cool projects (inventions) like Globe 4D, UltraOrb and really absolutely cool Robots by tomakato takahashi from Kyoto University. There still a magic show by Jason Latimer tomorrow, and lots of workshops on aeromodelling, cryptology, rocketry etc... going on.

So this was like a brief summary of this month of january, 2008. The first month of my last semester at Indian Institute of Technology, Kharagpur.

I still have lots and lots to write about. but will put them under a separate topic. This ones a summary and lets just keep it just that.

Bye then.

P.S. - My Gtalk is still off. So is my DC++. Finished with stacked up animes. (started downloading lotsa new ones). Watching lots of Romantic Comedies (movies, English) at the moment. I'll be back within 24 hrs hopefully.

*sigh* I'm too lazy for post formatting.

People move on...

me: its not that i am particularly angry and sad.. or anything like that..
or outright shocked..
me: its not like i'm feeling out of wits..
Myself: kk
me: and its not like some one.. whom i still consider my best friend messages me.. to not call
further..
Myself: kk
me: not even taking the pain to say that to me.. after picking up the call..
i'm just someone who irritates ppl rt..
so i shd be only ignored..
Myself: kk
me: and when i become too irritating.. hit me with a message ..
dont ppl have even the courage to say that..
we are not even face to face..
i wonder how i wd have been treated if we wd have met..
i am sure it wd have been normal..
when al the time.. ppl think that i shd just leave them alone..
and i really wonder how many ppl think about me like that..
just how many of those.. whom i call friends.. really do think of me as such..
i'm blabbering rt..
ya ya
i know.
i'm blabbering..
and i dont even know how i'm feeling rt now..
Myself: no no..go on..ddnt i say i like u blabbering??
me: haan haan. enjoy urself..
Myself: verry hurt wud b a start
me:hurt wdnt even be the start..
Myself: try betrayed den
me: and it wdnt have been like this if i wd have ben told..
i'm not even worth talking to..rt..
when i call..first the cals are igniored..
then tha calls are cancelled..
then cell phone is switched off..
and if i send an sms.. and call again..
then all i'm worth is an sms saying.. "dont call me further"
thats it..
and here i used to think that i had ppl whom i cd call best friends..
i was studying earlier.. and now.. i was just staring at the book and the ceiling alternately..
i didnt even know wat to do..
Myself: fr every one jerk like dis..der r 10 more who dnt think dis way..
its nt worth it
dis "frnd" is jst nt worth it den..
me: and i'm afraid.. that there are more.. ppl.. who think of me in such way..
thats the most predominant thing in my mind now.
just how many more ppl think like this about me..
Myself: well ders at least one i can vouch fr who dusnt :P
me: and how many times ppl just keep up the fake smiles when they are with me..
and i'm very afraid..
and i'm ashamed.. that i am afraid..
and i'm ashamed that i am doubting others..
but i relly cant help doubting..
Myself: its only human to feel all dis..
u dnt need to feel ashamed of it..
me: evrytime now i think of sometime when i talked to someone.. i wonder if all that time.. it was truly friendship,,.. or all the time.. they were thinking that i was being irritting..
i dont even know wat to make of anything rt now..
Myself: well it cud be both too..
listen..
n listen gud..
me: i was feeling out of sorts..
and trying to keep my mind off thinking about it
but i really cant stop thinking about it...
even if ppl move on in life.. cant they at the least say a hi.. when u call..
Myself: ur a gud frnd..a really gud frnd..n der r always gonna b ppl who appreciate dat..n at d same time der will also b dese jerks who dnt value it dat much..u jst need to live fr d ones who do think of u as a true frnd n nt fret abt d ones who dnt..
me: even if the person i hated wd call me.. i wd pick up..
Myself: well..unfortunately fr u..everyones nt like u..
me: and how wd i know who is the one who really cares.. and who doesnt..
who knows tomm..
someone else may say.. that they were never really considering me as friends.. and it was all just nothing
Myself: ders no sure-fire way to find out..othr dan puttin dem on sodium amytal (which u reaaaaally shudnt do)..bt well..ul knw..
me: i know ppl move on.. and i know that i suck at it.. i just cant forget any of my friends ever.. i remember evry little incident ever happened .. i remember evry little silly conversation i ever had with friends..
me: and i remm nearly evry single person i ever met and even came close to friends..
Myself: i knw..i knw..bt u cant help it if othrs dnt feel d same way na..
so try n keep as many of dem as u can..n d ones who u cant..well..u jst cant den..
Myself: bt if u keep doubting everyone coz of one incident like dis..den d whole point is lost..
me: i am not exactly blaming her for telling me to stop calling her..
me: i never thot of her as a coward.. whatever else..
i know she was arrogant most of the times.. and didnot treat evry1 well.. and all that..
but never did i think she was a coward..
me: so much that she cudnt pick up the phone and tell me..??
Myself: (assuming its ****** ur talkin of..coz i reaally cant think of anyone else)..she was always d "moving on" kind..
me: yes.. i even knew that..
and we really did talk about such things many times too..
Myself: its nt abt cowardice..
Myself: she jst didnt think it was worth it..coz ud blow up n get angry..n she jst wanted to avoid dat..
me: the thing i really blame her for.. is not picking up my call and saying it..
and i really feel hurt the most for that one single thing..
Myself: she didnt want u sayin all dis to her..she probably wudnt hav d patience fr dat..
me: if she wd have picked up that call.. i wdnt even have blown up.. i smsed her.. that she just had to pick up and say whatever she wants.. and i wont call if she doesnt want me to..
but i didnot expect an sms..
and i wd still remm that there is a person whom i can still consider my friend.. but also i wd always remm that she had cut my calls and used an sms to break up something.. which was friendship for me..
and i wd never forgive her for that..
Myself: ok how do i say dis w/o cuming off as highly insensitive....shes nt d kinda girl who u shower with msgs n calls..she gets irritated easily..(kinda d whole point here)..d more u called d more irritated she got..shed b extremely happy to b frnds with u had u kept in touch like twice a yr or so..shes jst built dat way..
me: ohh.. twice a yr..
dont make me laugh..
Myself: (ok actually i wud really like dat..make u laugh i mean..bt dats beside d point here..)
me: the last conversation we had was a 30 sec conversation when i suddenly had to ask some bio doubt.. and i just remm her.. and that was about 7-8 months ago..
and b4 that.. the last sms i got from her was in april last yr..
so that wd make an sms after 1yr 7 months..
and 30 sec conversation we had.. where i talked.. only.. about 7-8 months back..
me: and even b4 that.. i never really called her.. bcoz i know that she is impatient and all..
Myself: well thr u hav it..shes like dat..shes content with jst dat..
Myself: n if u push it..shed get irritated..
me: but if for some reason u get like 10 missed calls on the day of ur birthday.. and several smses..
actually i sent only 1 sms
dont u send a thank you for a birthday wish..
Myself: u pressed it too hard..n it broke..dats all..
me: so its just my fault after all..
rt..
i shdnt even have tried to wish her a happy birthday then..??
Myself: bt thankfully everyones nt like her..actually shes probably jst one piece..
me: i know..
Myself: dnt b dumb..
its nt abt whose fault it is..
me: ya ya..
Myself: ur both different ppl..whos take on frndship n frnds..is different..dats all..
me: and i already knew that.. since loong back..
Myself: den u shudnt b so surprised/shocked now..
me: it doesnt mean i expected any friendship to break..
ppl who have different takes on friendship and frnds.. are friends..
its rare that ppl think about those things similarly..
it doesnt mean that they arent friends..
so.. if u really look for conditions b4 making friends.. one wd never have a friend...
and i believe that...
Myself: ders *someone i know*..whos jst d same..well nt exactly.. *he/she*openly told dat *he/she*s "conditional frnds"..like frnds coz f benefits..like somone to sit with in class n lunch n dinner n stuf..to go out with..stuff like dat..*he/she*s gr8 frnds with *some other ppl i know* who hav like no idea..n only n i and *someone else* knw wats *he/she*s really like n how *he/she* thinks of frnds..n its dumb dat dey r so blind to it..bt cant help it.. (its just all info from my mind isnt it..??)
Myself: see..wen u knew wat she was like..den u shudnt hav tried to change her..nt change change..bt..u shudnt mind wen she dusnt reply n ignores n stuff..coz shes like dat n u knew wen u became frnds dat she wud b dis way..
me: thats the reason i never really call the ppl here at iit my friends..
me: there are very few.. here who dont sit with ppl and talk in a friendly manner just to be friendly.. and not bcoz they have to pass their time.. or they are looking for benifits and all..
and thats what i always meant by saying that i was lonely at iit...
but just ignoring calls.. is way differet than this...
Myself: jst how many calls n msgs did u giv???
must hav been quite a lot fr dis sort of reaction..
me: 2 calls ignored.. 3rd call cancelled..
then cell swithed off..
i sent a ssingle sms.
and when the cell came back on.. 2 calls ignored.. and then i got the reply..
the sms i mean..
and now i even have a doubt if she told her family to tell that she is not there when i called her to wish her happy birthday...

me: the present place u r in.. i'm truly very jealous of it..
there arent really any ppl..here.. in front of whom i wont need to hold myself back.. or keep reserved.. i have to always keep thinking that i shdnt do this here.. or i shdnt talk like this to this ppl.. there arent any ppl here who wd accept anyone as they really are.. and i am pretty sure.. evry1 keeps themselves held back here.. in front of evry1 else.. and that makes me feel verry lonely... bcoz i cant tolerate that... and whenever i hear some ppl talk about friends.. i feel verry jealous .. not that its a bad thing.. but i really feel jealous..
plzz dont take this wrongly as in.. i'm not blaming anything or like that.. i am just complaining that i feel lonely all the time here...
and tho it is unacceptable.. that is one of the reason i feel dissatisfied here,,. and i lose my interest pretty quickly at anything..
and i know all those things i am saying.. even i have to be like those other ppl here.. and i dont like myself.. for not being honest,,. and acting politely to ppl i dont care about and all. i hate myself for that..

hehe.. u gone too..??
but u know wat.. when such things happen now (any small thing).. there will be a part of me.. however small.. less than 0.00001% that wd think.. that there wasnt any excuse really.. just i was the reason.. its not abt anyone in particular.. but in general...
its nearly one page long..
i have really been typing like crap..
i am typing anything and evrything..
so dont mind it
Myself: n y wud i go..??
me: i said naa.. its not abt u..
Myself: i dnt leave things half way..
however irritating u mite get :P
me: its like an analogy..
Myself: ya ya i knw..
me: and i know u wd take it all and return it tenfold.. when u start blabbering..
:P
Myself: tch tch tch
m starting to doubt my powers of blab..lukin at u now :D
me: hehe..
this might be the longest single thing i typed.. except my blogs maybe.. but in blogs i have to think.. this might be the longest thing i typed.. without actually having to think..
Myself: hehe
Myself: (den wat'll i do wen u do think n blab!!)
me: :)
me: so when i said i blab much more than u when i start.. i wasnt just boasting,.. or may be i may not have been sure if i cd really beat u.. or like that... but never think i cant blabber..
Myself: oh plz..i havnt evn started blabbering!!
Myself: m alllways holding myself back..u shud ask ppl here..(i dont wanna know who else in my head..)dey r sick n tired of me blabbering..on..n on..n on..all d time..it was a unanimous vote dat i shud b put to sleep ..immediately..fr d greater gud ..
me: so never mind that...
we dont really need to talk about and argue about our blabbering prowess here...
we arent exactly competeing rt..
or are we..??
:P
Myself: v vernt..??
me: keep it at that..
as for myself i dont really know wat i'm about to write b4 i start writing...
once i start.. it cd go anywhere.. i dont really know.. or stop to think..
me: (one of my bad habits.. which lead to lesser marks in essays.. in smaller classes.. had to stop doing that.. and think and write.. in exams after that...)
Myself: hehe
cho cute
:P
me: but it really did help when i wrote reviews..
we had to do many reviews.. of poems.. and their inner meaning.. and the poet's intent and all that... and i used to write for pages.. and i really did write all the things the poet cd ever mean in a single line.. and i used to exhaust all the meanings a combination of two lines can have
Myself: :)
me: so i used to get good matrks at reviews.. and such projects..
but have to think caefully and write.. fr gre.. i actually have to start practicing writing essays again.. not essays exactly.. but that portion of gre.. where i wd be needed to type for loong about a certain topic.. or argue about some topic..
Myself: hmmm
so..better now??
me: dunno exactly..
but i'll survive.
Myself: of course u will..
me: :D
Myself: if sumthg dis small wud get u down n out den howd u take ovr d world eh??
:P
me: its a bit complicated actually.. sometimes i dont get down at all.. and feel absolutely all rt.. like y i shdnt care if asomething happens.. and sometimes.. i feel like i'm at the bottom of the depest sea...
and btw i wd have u with me rt.. when taking over the world..
:P
Myself: yep..

Myself: been a long time since uv said something..
me: not that long..
Myself: pretty long
me: actually.. was checking the % of dld completed..of animes..
Myself: like?
me: dlded.. the following
bamboo blade
prism ark
majin-tantei-nogami-neuro
blue drop..
clannad
shakugan no shana second
kimikiss puro rouge
myself yourself
nightwizard
rental magica
goshuushou-sama ninomiya-kun
juushin enbu
seirei no moribito
me: hmmm thats all in anime..
and dlding liar game and first kiss in dorama
Myself: kk

me: so....
is it good night..??
Myself: is it..??
me: bcoz i got to wake up early..
not very early but i cant sleep in till afternoon
got some things to do..
Myself: hmm
me: and studying too..
and project too..
aaaaaaah
Myself: hehe
me: theres soo much to do..
me: i know..
so i'm not exactly complaining.. but like exasperated...
(i hope it was the rt word to use there)
trying to use such words now.. practicing for gre..:P
Myself: yep it is..
me: i really have gone to quite a large number of animes at the moment rt...
from nothing for 3 weeks to again all these in 3 days..
me: ya.. since the pressure is increasing.. i have started more..
me: so anyway..
i shd say bye
"Bye"
"Good Night"
i shd go now..
to sleep i mean
Myself: gnite
bbye
me: cya
Myself: cya
me: not exactly see of corz.. since ur in my head anyway.. :P
me: thanx for fishing me out of the bottom of the sea,....
Myself: anytime..
still hav sum use of u left aftr all..hehe (dont wanna know... :P)
me: kk
Myself: now shoo!!




P.S.:

First off.. me denotes the conscious me. and Myself denotes the subconscious me.. or u can call it the voice of reason (in my head). or whatever u can call it. (i wont be surprised if it was some alien from outerspace who was talking with me.. or the another me from another parallel universe..:P)

Also.. i may have written too many things.. here.. which i dont exactly remember.. i did try editing.. but still if theres something left which wd offend u.. plzz forgive me for it..

And furthermore.. there were some coments about ppl at iit here.. its not exactly true what i wrote.. i do actually have friends here.. this was just wat i wrote at the moment. when i was feeling really awful.. and all.. (but i'm not discounting what i wrote completely too..)

Finally.. this is completely factual. This was exactly wat i was thinking at the moment.. and this conversation did happen.. (and yes.. i do talk to myself very often.. doesnt mean i'm crazy.. and i am not exactly saying i'm not crazy..)

So there u have it.

ByE.
LaTeR tHeN.